Foreheads, Republicans & Singing Doctors

Where the hell have I been?

Hiring a lawyer: Yay for custody battles! This appears to be going ok-ish, although my Republican, Bush-loving, animal-heads-mounted-on-his-walls, nervous-twitch-having lawyer kept smacking himself on the ass and telling us that he has a birthmark “RIGHT.THERE” that matches the one on Jack’s forehead. I think he is on drugs.  He is a very nice man.

At the doctors office: My poor, poor, pitiful Bella was in line, walking to the bus after school when her “legs tangled” and she fell, face-first onto the pavement. Apparently, her “arms were busy falling” (direct quote from her) so they weren’t able to catch her and she broke her defenseless, minding-it’s-own-business, perky little nose. She also bit through her upper lip, got a big purple goose-egg on her head, and skinned both knees and an elbow. Bruises are spreading across her nose and under both eyes, and her lip is turning yellow to match the hue of the lump in the middle of her forehead. We are sure to become the talk of the town (or at least the talk of the crazy ladies at the bus-stop). Bonus: The doctor sang an off-key “We Will Rock You” to Belle after she finished peroxide-ing her wounds and sopping blood and mud from her nose. I love our doctor.

Sleeping!!: Jack has graced us with 8 long hours of wonderful, uninterrupted, fabulous sleep every night!! This is a beautiful, beautiful thing and I have caught myself more than once almost waking him up to nuzzle and snuggle and thank the slobber right out of him.

And that’s about the size of it. Plus, I am working on putting my story together for MaggieDammit who is my new hero. Stay tuned, my loyal readers (all 1.5 of you).